so explain again why im purple
no
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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