My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
