I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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