I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
