I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize