I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
