he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
