Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
