Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Congratulations! We have a period
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
