OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Edward fifth and chaser hands
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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