She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
