maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
