Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
