I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
