I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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