So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ttyl tear gas
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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