I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
