is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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