This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
