Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
