I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
