Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
