he told me I talked like a deaf person
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
