dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
