Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
