If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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