everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
