you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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