why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
