you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
