So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
