This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
