he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
