ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize