Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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