I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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