What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found your dick twin last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
