i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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