summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
