so explain again why im purple
no
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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