Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
