So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
