I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
