you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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