9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
