Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
