Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
