Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
