Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
