Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
