...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
