Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
