No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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