I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
