Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
