I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
