I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
