but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
