I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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