Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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