Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
