Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
