Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry moncat hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(714): View more from California

I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

Fav 7 5531 1335
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.

Fav 19 4627 1578
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(662): View more from Mississippi

"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

Fav 25 1581 7080
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

Fav 27 1826 4391
share tweet
(618): View more from Illinois

Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

Fav 9 1927 2140
share tweet
(941): View more from Florida

Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.

Fav 7 1175 789
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(913): View more from Kansas

Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.

Fav 8 2186 1006
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"

Fav 1 263 115
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident

Fav 1 83 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT