smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
