i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize