You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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