Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
