well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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