Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
