i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
