So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
