I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
