Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
