first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize