you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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