smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
