I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
