I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize