Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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