The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
